New Year’s Eve – a time for reflection for many people. I don’t find myself in that mode though; thinking back on accomplishments, disappointments, joys and sorrows over the past 12 months. Maybe that’s because this is something I do every day.
Every morning as I slowly emerge from slumber, before I even open my eyes, I automatically evaluate the day before. I don’t know when this started or why my mind chooses to traverse this transition with a self-assessment, or if this is unusual. I’ve been doing this for as long as I can remember. It’s a self-evaluation gone wild. What did I do yesterday? Was it a good day, filled with positive interactions and productive work? Did I give the best of myself? Was I self-disciplined and kind to others? Did I do my job well? Is everything in order – my health? finances? family? Did I overeat or overspend? Did I write or create something? For whatever didn’t go right, how will I make up for it today – eat less, exercise more, apologize, call my kids, call my doctor or accountant, and on and on?
It’s torturous, really. I don’t know why my runaway brain insists on this daily critique. One of these days, I’d like to wake up with no self-appraisal or pressing agenda. It’s as if I won’t give myself permission to rise in contentment. I need to earn it first. Even if I judge that yesterday went well, I immediately try to hone in on what I can do better today.
So, for me, New Year’s Eve is not a time to look back over the past year or commit to resolutions for the year to come. Like it or not, this is my daily routine. Maybe it’s not such a bad thing to treat every day as New Year’s Day. Why wait 12 months for a fresh start when you have 365 chances during the year?
Happy New Year! Happy New Day!